Should I stay or Should I go?

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"You broke your promise"

My 5 year old self says to me, and i cannot answer. I stand still, not knowing what to say right now, i ask myself again;

"Where did it all go wrong?"

Was it when i stopped daydreaming about what i aspired to be, or was it the day when i realized that i must follow the herd in order to lead a successful life, or when i was easily persuaded  by the laws of the society that made my dreams and imagination fade away.


Today, i try to answer back my five year old self, but the words just fall down on the floor. I have no simple explanations, to why i broke the promise, to why i did not follow my dreams when it was all that i ever wanted too.

A question circles my mind, and my heart speaks to me after a long time, reminding me to take a leap of faith and follow the path to my destiny, and i ask myself again "Should i stay or Should i go?"
My answer is "YES", but this word just crumbles back in before coming to my lips, and i realize, maybe i am too scared to go, maybe i am too scared to leave and follow the path that i was always meant to. Maybe i am scared that i will fail, but i don't want to, because,
“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”  and i am too proud to give up on this dream so easily.
I have tried to escape my call to follow where my heart leads to, because i am too proud to follow my heart but let my mind guide me along the way. And here i am stuck on the road,again, my mind strangled with the dilemma, and my heart speaking to me more clearly and loudly than ever.

 " Should i follow where it leads me to? or should i allow my mind to take over?" is a question i face every moment of the day now,  and my insides echo with the answer.

Today i realize that no matter what, i cannot escape my destiny, i cannot just ignore where my heart wants to be, and i don't want to get lost in this crowd, i don't want to be the one who never really accomplished what they were meant to, i don't want to be another lost soul, who lost their dream in the process of growing up, and i don't want my heart to stop talking to me, i want it to guide me further, i want it to tell me where it wants to be,
I know today, that i should go, that i should tread the path that i left long ago.

 And i can finally answer my Five year old self;

 "I did not break your promise, i just lost my path"

“People are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of.” 
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

And I decide to go for it.

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