TWO LIVES IN ONE

“Do you read often?”

 The little kid asked me, looking at me as if asking for an answer in the most poetic yet simple manner.

“I do, when I need to escape the reality.”

“Now what is that supposed to mean, why would you like to escape the reality when it’s all you have?”

*****

                                           

                                                  

There is a war going on, the one which we fight with ourselves and the one where the heart and mind are

 cursed to exist together in the same being. “Oh! What would I give to feel and not to think” and 

“Maybe I would silence the beating of this erratic thunder going on inside me that clouds my thoughts”

“kisse chupaye ghumta hai tu khud ko, khwaabon ko sath liye apne man ko peeche chorde, kyu bhag rha h kisse bhag rha hai tu”

'There was a horrible, erratic thumping in my chest, as if a large bird was trapped inside my ribcage and beating itself to death.'

Sitting in the corner of a table, sipping down the coffee while your mind wanders to the worlds that exist only to you, or finding yourself all alone in the middle of a room full of people, where everything fades away, the moment when you want to throw up everything in the air and dance to the beats of that erratic thumping in your body that guides each and every move you make next.

To live a moment where you are everything but yourself, a moment where you try on different lives.

“Why can’t I try on different lives, like dresses, to see which fits best and is more becoming?”

I would like to be someone else tonight.

At the end of the day, when nothing exists but you and a racing mind that needs to stop, when your mind overpowers your heart, when you are too tired to listen to the soothing beats and calm yourself down, you need to escape the reality into the one of your own, once in a while you need to listen to the bird inside you beating itself to death just for you to listen.

The lost minds and the confused souls, that’s what they call us, but all we do is live, all we do is try on different lives, try to escape the reality only to realize why it exists in the first place, the search of one’s being, the search of oneself is deeper than the string of thoughts we hold on to, you lose yourself in the way, you live two lives in one, still not being able to answer which one is the real you.

But maybe we are better than others,

To live is the rarest thing in the world, most people just exist that’s all.

And most people live two lives in one.

So maybe today I answer myself again, to live within my means would be to suffer from a lack of imagination.

“ANDAR SE KUCH AUR HAI HUM AUR BAHAR SE MAJBOOR”

The roots to your existence, to your real being are deeper and maybe more complex than you could understand, maybe you are looking at the wrong place.

Maybe you do not really know yourself, so you read and try on different lives.


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